elizabear | Awkward Bossly Silence Theater Presents...

Hysterical

peglegpete:

BOSS (after reading an email): You don't say "Your casbah has been rocked" when you send project progress reports to people outside the department, do you?
MONKEY: Have you received any complaints?
BOSS: No.
MONKEY: Then, no, I do not.
BOSS: [awkward bossly silence]

BOSS enters.
BOSS: How long would it take to convert an Access database into a SQL database?
MONKEY: Ummm... that really depends. I'd have to see the database itself and whatever alteration requirements there were.
BOSS: It's just one table with about 10 fields. Here's the structure.
MONKEY: [minor viewing and investigating] Hmm...
BOSS: Our database department said it would take them 8 months and cost $80,000. Why would it cost that much?
MONKEY: Because they're screwing you.
BOSS: [awkward bossly silence]
MONKEY: Are you taking competing bids? I can throw in breaking the legs of the other guys for free.
BOSS: [awkward bossly silence]
MONKEY: Converting that would take me less than a week. And I'd spend most of that time web-surfing.
BOSS: [awkward bossly silence]
BOSS: Ummm... thanks.
BOSS exits.

MONKEY: J— is asking for a way to distribute the Aggregate Weekly even if the directors haven't submitted their feeder reports yet.
BOSS: I don't think a technology solution is the answer... the problem is that the directors need to do their weeklies.
MONKEY: I think you're underestimating technology solutions. We could use cattle prods and let Darwin sort it out.
BOSS: [awkward bossly silence]